Cultural Appropriation with Parenting

          Cultural Appropriation typically means taking something from another culture and using it ourselves. Usually we are using that "thing" (fashion, art, belief, idea, practice) out of context or as some would say, "picking and choosing" parts of a culture that we like and implementing them in our own lives. This can have moral implications depending on how you use it. But I believe that even with the best and most open of intentions, it can be used to make parents who read about cross-cultural parenting feel bad about themselves, or feel that they are not measuring up to a certain standard. 

          Books on cross-cultural parenting have been hugely popular in the last few years, with Bringing Up Bebe, How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm, The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, and Parenting Without Borders all popping up together. I am slightly ashamed to say I read three out of four during my maternity leave (that's a story for another time, but related). In part, I have a (what I think is) genuine interest in learning about the practices of other cultures. But the problem with books like these, especially the compilation-style books like Parenting Without Borders, is that they take one cultural practice (diapering, for example, or just infant feeding, or just sleeping) and present it out of context. It makes for interesting reading but my problem was that I would read about one practice and think "OHMYGOD why don't I do that? They are so much better than me. Why can't I figure out how to get my kid potty trained by age one!?!" I have also been caught saying things like "In Asian cultures, the kids are potty trained by age one!" Interesting...but so what? There are so many other questions that need to be asked.

          It is not useful to pick ONE thing from another culture that they might seem to do "better" and then feel bad or inadequate for not being able to do the same thing, or to idealize that style of parenting altogether. For example with the infant potty training or "elimination communication" as it is otherwise known, there is a whole system of factors in place that might make it possible that are different for me. Perhaps these cultures have a longer maternity leave, making it possible for the mother to be 1:1 with her child at all times to read the elimination cues and body language. Perhaps these cultures place a higher value on cleanliness and look poorly on a child sitting in a dirty diaper and soiling cloth. Perhaps these families only have one or two children, so they can spend that kind of time and energy with things like EC. There are multiple other issues as well. Do we even know if these parents enjoy the practice? Probably some do and some do not. Do we know if all parents in Country X do it, or are we just looking at a few idealized cases? 

          Many of these books (besides Battle Hymn) are not written by an author who was raised in the culture about which she is writing. So that's problematic, too. If we are truly interested in cross-cultural parenting, the best thing to do would be to talk to someone from that culture! Anthropology 100: find an informant and let THEM tell YOU about it. You will learn a lot more, and you might find that there is so much that is different about that culture that just picking one or two things to "do" from it seems utterly ridiculous to them, and maybe even offensive. 

          Here is another example that I always found fascinating, which was also taught in Anthropology 100. These stories went along with learning about rituals of reversal and watching this film by Margaret Mead. Our professor told us that Balinese children (at least at the time of this filming) never crawled but went straight to walking. Taken out of context, you might think a number of things. Occupational therapists would probably be concerned about their core strength and neck muscles. Someone else might think "wow, how advanced!" However, it's not a matter of them being better or worse...they really are different! And that difference is beautiful and complex. Our professor went on to share with us that the reason that the children do not crawl is that there is a high value placed on uprightness, keeping your head up, excellent poise and posture...all related to something called Paling. Paling is a physical illness/discomfort caused by not knowing one's geographic orientation, or not knowing where North is. For a Balinese person in this village at this time, poise and body orientation were extremely important in a way we cannot even imagine. If he did not know where North was, he would literally vomit and need to re-orient himself before he could do anything else. His entire way of being and inhabiting his body and moving around is completely different from ours. So how can we just pick one thing like skipping crawling and compare ourselves? We can, I guess, but that would be ethnocentrism, which is defined as viewing one's culture from your own perspective. Ethnocentrism is tricky and almost impossible not to be guilty of.

          It's important to remember the definition of culture by E.B. Tylor that was drilled into my head as an Anthropology major...""that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art, law, morals, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society." COMPLEX and WHOLE are key words here. I still think there is value in being aware of cross-cultural practices, but I am going to make an effort not to constantly compare isolated parts of what I do to what "they" do, whoever "they" may be. One last note...remember that you, too, are a cultural being. Most likely if you are reading this blog you are in the same demographic as me. Many people deny that Americans have a cultural identity, but we do! Some do not like it and would rather not identify with it, but where you come from and how you are raised have a huge bit to do with who you are. That's all for today...thanks! :)